Where is your spouse?

Hate to joke about a serious crime story like the fall of Olympic star Oscar Pistorius and the death of his beautiful girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp. Pistorius' bizarre description of the events that evening made no sense--how dark does a room have to be before you realize someone is not in the bed? Wouldn't you check with your loved one, if you heard a noise from an intruder? Wouldn't you ask who was in the bathroom before pumping three shots through the door? Absurd.

Then, last week we had a similar experience (without the gun).

Gary got home around 4:00 one afternoon, just as I was going out for my walk. He decided to take a "chair nap" in the family room, since he had an evening dinner meeting to attend. I was out for over an hour, relishing my new-found energy and raising the bar considerably from my daily walk to the mailbox. I puttered around the yard, picking up detritus, previously hidden by the snow, and then ambled down the street, crossed the little bridge over the creek and entered the park and municipal ball fields.

By the time I returned an hour later, it was getting dark. I tiptoed through the darkened family room, surprised that Gary still slumbered. I went to the living room to check my emails on my computer; then into the kitchen to round up some food. I thought I'd better wake up Gary for his meeting. I flipped on the lights.

No Gary on the couch.
I yelled upstairs to the bedroom.
No Gary upstairs.
I checked the garage for his car.
No car.

I can imagine what a police officer would say if Gary were suddenly a missing person:
So you came back from your walk and how did you get into the house?
I walked through the open garage door.

And which garage door did you walk through?
Well...the one for my car...I think.

And was your husband's car still in the garage?
Well....I thought so.

And when you walked through the family room, you saw him on the couch?
Well....I thought so

It was dusk, not midnight. Your husband is not a small man. Did you see him or not?
Well...I thought so.

I understand your husband is a noisy sleeper. Did you hear him snoring, breathing loudly or making annoying guttural sounds?
Well...I passed through quickly.

And at what time did you go into the kitchen?
Well...maybe 5:30.

I see. We checked your computer and you sent an email at 5:14. Where do you think your husband was between 5:14 and 5:30? 
Well....maybe he went upstairs to change and then left the house without me noticing.

And isn't the living room right next to the stairway to the second floor?
Well...yes.

So how could you have not heard him?
Well...he may have just awoken and gone directly to the car, realizing he was late.

But you heard no noise.
Well....not that I recall. On second thought, maybe he said his meeting was at 5:00. Then he would have already been gone.

But your statement says you saw him in the family room sleeping?
Well...maybe that was a different day after all.

You can't remember what happens from one day to the next?
Well....

Luckily for me, Gary was not a missing persons case and I was not under suspicion for any felony charges--maybe just the crime of not noticing a spouse, a practice I'm betting is fairly common. He comes, he goes. I have to start noticing!