DIY for the non-DIYer

What ever possessed me to think I could consider myself a DIYer? Just because I'm home, have projects crying out for attention and live near a Home Depot is no reason to jump-- no, leap-- to the conclusion that DIY (do it yourself) is easy, fun and part of our patriotic duty as good citizens.

Too late for excuses now. I'm currently looking at four unfinished (some might say unstarted) DIY projects.  

Outside I have a new, neatly lined up row of attractive, burnished copper LED landscape lights. Flip the switch and not one of them lights up.

In the kitchen, where I used to have a GE trash compactor, there is a gaping hole, with the round white bin from the old compactor, sitting forlornly in the wide space. To compact, we now use the old fashioned method: insert one foot into can and stomp down. The old compactor rests on a hand truck in the middle of the garage between our two parked cars.

It's not that hard maneuvering around it, even though one of the handtruck's wheels has fallen off. An unintentional brush against the handtruck and the compactor sways uncertainly, tipping downward and threatening to lurch forward into one of the cars. It's unfortunate that the DPW does not pick up trash compactors at the curb, but it should be an easy matter to roll the compactor up a ramp into the car and drive it to the recycling center. I believe it's on the list of acceptable appliances, but, if not, there is always the cover of darkness to help with a dump and run trip.

One thing we’ll have to remember is to brace the compactor/hand truck once it’s in the trunk. I seem to remember a similar escapade where a lawn mower crashed through the rear window of a Volvo station wagon when someone was driving it uphill to the repair shop. 

In the family room sits the unstarted project--insulating the skylight.  On the floor in the corner is an unopened  box labeled Window Insulation Kit-- clear vinyl and double-sided tape which is to be applied when the temperature is over 50 degrees. Hmm, it may warm up again? Next to it is a roll of insulation which someone from California thought could be neatly tucked in behind the skylight's shade with no fuss or bother. "Hey, Mama, no problem."

Finally, in my mother's house, the pieces of  a new kit replacing the inner workings of the toilet are arranged artistically on the bedspread. The shiny black plastic assemblage and  instruction sheet in four languages snuggles into the folds of the pink gingham checked comforter, a modern day still life. Sorry, no picture! The toilet is unused, with the water turned off. (at least I hope it's still turned off....)

I feel quite enriched from these undertakings. Life, after all,  is not just book learning. So far I have learned that:

1. Tools are very important.  Attempting to reach a 12 foot high skylight with a short, unsteady ladder can be hazardous to your health. Also, the two arms of a wrench should be tightly secured by the bolt that joins them and should not wiggle back and forth in your hand.
2. Some knowledge and skill in using said tools is required, despite assurances from the man at the local hardware store, who insists it is easy to do, even while he watches you drop your keys, fumble with the latch on your handbag, spill change out of your wallet and finally dig out the money to pay him. "Yes, it's easy to do," he lies.
3. The general public refers to that big orange store as the Home Depot, but we insiders, who visit at least three times a week, know it is really store #904. 
4. You never actually save money doing it yourself and you may end up not speaking to your husband, at least temporarily.
5. The phone number of a reliable handy man is essential.

This weekend we are attempting yet one more project, but one I think we’ll accomplish. It may seem minor to some, but at least we’ll experience the thrill and pride of actually doing it all by ourselves.  The task: buying and putting up the Christmas tree – a real one!  Yeah, we can do that.